Another song commissioned by Pat O' DONNELL, this for his 1996 production of Flann O'Brien's surrealistic play, THE THIRD POLICEMAN.
This can be sung to the tune 'The Star of Sunday's Wells'
Paddy's Trip to Hell (The Omnium Song)
Have you heard of Brian O'Nolium
Or Miles Na Goplaeenium
Or even Flann O'Brienium
Their like we'll see no more,
The triumvirate of trinities
Devoid of all divinities
Split their atoms to infinities
And left the sacred shore.
Both Christian, Jew and Muslim
In trying to solve the puzzleum
Admits that it beffuddlesum
And leaves it all at that
They're as ignorant as clinkers
Deaf, dumb and wearing blinkers
When you ask these noble thinkers...
'What in a man's hat?'
Ah now Paddy, do not fearium
Perceptions can be queerium
Through life's abject delirium
You try to steer your course
To Heaven's bright abodium
The straight and narrow roadium
Where you leave life's heavy loadium
And join the cosmic force.
Don't endeavor to be badium
Or fool or play the cadium
And listen, Paddy ladium
The truth with you I'll share
If you're fond of vice and sinium
Strong whiskey, beer and ginium
Your life's not worth a pinium
You'll descend perdition's stair.
Bereft of cataclesium
Your soul, the Devils ceasium
The Sword of Damaclesium
Hangs from the roof of Hell
Suspended like and icicle
Above a stolen bicycle
Where every sort of viceicle
Has neither pump nor bell
So recoil from all this follyum
Be happy, wise and Jollyum
Though the Pit of Hell may swollyum
Stay way from wicked folk
To the damned their sins have sent them...
Et omnium potentum!
Do your best to circumventum...
And you'll live to tell the joke!